Amanda Laurena

My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.
-John Lennon

take me back

take me back to a simpler time. a time when people said what they meant and meant what they said. a time when worries were non existent and time was endless. take me back…13783 

dealing with life

this year i’ve spent a great deal of time avoiding. I’ve avoided my emotions, for fear of complication. I’ve avoided all thoughts regarding the future. I’ve avoided dealing with things in an attempt to simplify. I took this year in strides. I didn’t let my mind wonder. I haven’t really allowed myself to contemplate my thoughts. I’ve been afraid. i’ve been hiding. I’ve been avoiding me. I’m afraid of me. I’m afraid of the future. I’m afraid of what I have to do. I’m afraid of expectations. I’m afraid of disappointment. I’m afraid of facing reality. It scares me. It all scares me. I don’t want to have to deal with anything. I don’t want to come to terms with things that make me sad. I don’t want to admit defeat. I don’t want to surrender to my own emotions. I want to be strong. I want to close my eyes and be content. I can’t be content. I feel nothing but anxiety. I feel nothing but pressure. I feel nothing but the voice inside my head dying to be heard. Even this…writing this…right now…right this moment…this is a struggle…i’m not me…i’m different…I feel detached. I won’t allow myself to get emotional. I won’t allow things to “get” to me. I’ve put up a wall and theres no tearing it down. I’ll work through it. I’ll try to get past my own demons. I just need to start trying and I need to stop avoiding because clearly this whole avoiding thing has ran its course…its time to grow up and deal with life…head on. 

all good things must come to an end.

it is unfortunate yet true. chapters close. the story must go on. its not always easy. it takes a lot of strength. moving on… its a part of life. its a part of growing up. its sad but true… change is inevitable. 

Why

Does seeing you always have some sort of effect on me? I would give anything to say I feel nothing and ACTUALLY mean it… I just hate not being in charge of my own emotions… It sucks. I’m weak.

Why must I be forever doomed to repeat my own history? Why don’t I learn?

Pintrest is stressing me out… I miss tumblr

I keep forgetting that there is a world beyond this small town…. Ugh I can’t wait! :)

I’m not gonna fight to keep you in my life… I’m just not.